I cut all my hair off about a year ago. I was vacationing in San Diego, and it was either a piercing, a tattoo, or an extreme haircut. So, I cut all my hair off. I've always enjoyed changing my hair. If life gets chaotic and I need a sense of control, a new cut or a new color does the trick. However, cropping all my hair off has some additional meaning for me.
It's not an attempt to look like the few stunning celebrities who have made short hair more "in". I am no Emma Watson. It has far more to do with my own personal rebellion against the enduring cultural standard for women's beauty.
Despite such pixie-cut actresses as Emma Watson, Anne Hathaway, and (most recently) Jennifer Lawrence, there is still a stigma about short hair. Remember the media storm over Emma Watson when she cut her hair? All the articles that speculated that she might be a lesbian? Maybe you weren't reading People magazine at that time. Here is a recap for you, and here is another reaction from Emma Watson about the stigma.
As with big boobs, men just like long hair. It is a generalization that has a lot of truth to it. After I cut my hair, the reaction I got from most men was very derogatory. I was called "butch" and "peter pan". I was even told I looked "like a twelve year old boy" and "like a dike". Most women seemed to like the cut on me, but almost all of them would follow up with the same question. With wide eyes and a worried expression they would ask,
"What does your boyfriend think?"
"Men like long hair you know"
Yeah, I know. Men like women with long hair and big boobs and dirty tricks in the bedroom. Three strikes, I'm out. Don't worry, I know.
A few women skipped that question and just asked me outright if I had a bad break up, unable to imagine that a women might cut all her hair off when she was trying to keep a man around.
The fact that there is a "cultural standard" of beauty for women (and for men) is, at times, down right infuriating for me. I believe in the Roald Dahl standard:
"A person with good thoughts can never be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sun beams and you will always look lovely."
I'm not a fan of procuring a specific taste for physical features or a certain "type" of beauty. I hate that our culture ascribes no value to our bodies or the intimacy we are capable of, however it has a standard of beauty by which our "worth" is judged and measured according to our physical appearance. I HATE it. Not because I personally feel like I'm lacking. I'll be honest, I love my small breasts. I think they are sweet. I love how they look in a ballet leotard, soft rises that don't draw attention away from the lines I make with my arabesques or cambres. I love that they have been precious to me and that I've endeavored to kept them pure for one man. It makes no difference to ME that I can't even make it look like I have cleavage no matter how much I squish them together. I don't wear clothes that could show off cleavage even if I had any. I'm not playing that game. I like my breasts. I like my breasts, but I hate that I live in a culture which tells me they aren't anything special since they are barely more than an A cup. I hate it even more when I have days that I believe that lie. I'm not immune to the bombardment of our cultural standard. Scan the headlines of magazines at the check-out; watch TV for half an hour. It is undeniable. Men like big boobs, or as Sofia Vergara puts it:
Thanks, Sofia. That is a big help. I appreciate you advocating for the worth of women (not), but you do provide a good segue into my next point.
Our culture encourages us to have a sexual appetite for those who fit the "standard" of beauty. Our culture tells us that our body isn't sacred. Your body doesn't mean anything, and it is only as good as the level of sexual arousal it produces in others. Porn exists entirely on this premise. Bodies are tools of sexual arousal. Only profanity unfit for a Christian blog on sex could articulate how I feel about this.
The cultural standard of beauty is a terrible thing, and we are all (some more than others) slaves to it. Any woman who wanted to try a pixie cut but was afraid she wouldn't be attractive to her man. Any woman who bought a padded push-up bra because her boobs didn't look like the ones her boyfriend is looking at on the computer. Any guy who has taken one of the many "male enhancement" drugs because he didn't feel like he was "well endowed" enough. Any guy who felt like "less of a man" because he doesn't look like a Hollywood actor with a personal trainer and regular steroid injections. All of us who have looked at ourselves in the mirror and fallen short of the image in our heads of what we "should" look like. We have all been slaves to this culture's pathetic "standard". It is down right destructive.
Now that I've ragged on the cultural standard of beauty, I would like to address personal standards of beauty.
This is really a message for my Christian readers.
Guess what.
You aren't supposed to have a "standard" of beauty.
Yeah, you heard me.
Your standard of beauty and sex appeal is supposed to be your spouse.
You are supposed to be with one person, the one person that God has meant for you (if you are destined to be wed). You don't need to be developing a "taste" for women/men. How do I know this?
Because the Bible says that the marriage relationship is supposed to be like the relationship between Christ and the Church. It is THROUGHOUT the Bible, Old Testament and New. Both are supposed to be perfectly devoted with desire only for each other. So what are you doing developing preferences for how you "like your men" or how you "like your women"? Determining what kind of specific physical traits you desire? Your standard of beauty is supposed to be the person God has set aside for you (should He plan for you to be married at all).
Again, our culture exploits, objectifies, and commercializes our physical appearance so thoroughly that it is perfectly "normal" for all of us to do this as individuals.
Remember guys,
I appeal to you therefore, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2
It might sound really unreasonable to you, that I should suggest that we are not to develop physical or sexual "tastes" but instead attempt to reserve all of our desire for one person. I'm not saying it isn't hard to do, but this is what God expects us to strive for. Jesus quoted the foundation of marriage in Genesis when He said that a man and woman were to become one in marriage and never separate. According to Him, the only other option is to live your life like a eunuch- someone with no genitals, no sexual desire (Matthew 19). Additionally, Jesus said that lust and sensuality are sins (Matthew 5 and 7). We are urged to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5) and to treat each other outside of marriage with "absolute purity" as brothers and sisters (1 Timothy 5:1-2).
To sum this up,
Our physical appearance is NOT supposed to be so important. Our physical appearance is NOT something that is supposed to be used to judge our worth. We aren't supposed to objectify each other according to how our sexual desires respond to physical characteristics.
Our bodies are supposed to be sacred.
We should have a deep reverence for each other's bodies regardless of the physical expression of our genes. We should relate to each other as sisters and brothers, the children of God, with perfect love and purity. We should reserve, concentrate, and focus ALL of our physical/sexual desire on our husband/wife. That is what we deserve according to God. That is what I deserve. That is what you deserve, to be the only object of one person's physical/sexual desire in conjunction with being their only romantic love and soulmate. For one person, YOU are supposed to be THE standard of beauty.
So I cut off all my hair again, just a couple weeks ago. I felt like I was competing again, competing with the cultural standard, with women in my life, with women in my head. So, I took myself out of the game. I cut off all my hair, and benched myself for the season. I'm not competing. So keep those "butch" comments coming. I love them, because nobody on this planet gets to define the worth of my body. I'm not playing that game. I refuse to believe the lies this culture tells. Lies like:
This
means nothing, its just a tool for sexual arousal.
This body
has no inherent value.
This
is not sacred, it's just physical.
Screw that.
Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God's sight.
1 Peter 3:4
Do you not know that you are God's temple and that the Holy Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.
1 Corinthians 3:16-17
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like those who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
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