"Just" Sleeping Around

Do me a favor and read this:  

To The Man Who Won't Sleep With Me
^via the Chastity Project blog

I'll admit I teared up a little. When you think something is really "abnormal" about yourself, hearing someone else express it is such a precious thing ("I'm nobody, who are you? Are you nobody too?" Emily Dickinson gets it).  I never spent the night with any of my mistakes (aka ex-boyfriends) but it always seemed like whenever we did homework it was always in their bedroom and there weren't any chairs...or their roommate had friends over in the living room so they would lead me to the bedroom to watch a movie and shrug saying, "Sorry, all I've got to sit on is the bed, no couch in here."  And I'd re-evaluate my rigid boundaries and think, well, we're just sitting, or; he's already put off because I won't have sex with him, whats he going to do if I say I can't sit on a bed with him? But it was never, ever just sitting.  I've "watched" so many movies of which I never saw anything beyond the opening credits.  But hey, I'm not having sex and all my clothes are on! Thats amazing! Who cares if I'm messing around with a guy with all my clothes on, on top of the covers?  Really, what can people say?  And heck, it's rather thrilling, and it feels good to be intimate like that, plain and simple. In both men and women, being held for 20 seconds or more stimulates the release of oxytocin, the same bonding chemical released (in higher amounts) during sexual intercourse and breastfeeding; see the official research journal article here or just an overview in the news here. 

But being on a bed in any capacity with one of the mistakes/ex-boyfriends never felt right.  It just felt dirty and cheap, and I had to talk myself into being "ok" with it. Additionally, it was always when I put myself in those situations that guys would try and push past the boundaries which I was always very careful to spell out to them.  It was just dirty, cheap, and risky.  But I kept that to myself.  I was surely weird enough already; I didn't have to be so neurotic as to tell guys I couldn't be on their bed with them.  I tried really hard to be at least semi "normal". And then recently, I was listening to a talk by Jason Evert "How to Date Your Soulmate" (get it here) and he said this:

"Her bed? Don't even sit on her bed.  It's not 'just a bed', it's an altar."

I literally jumped up and down and cheered when I first heard that.  Amazing!  But really, who ever decided all of this "isn't a big deal"?  Everything from sharing a bed to sexual intercourse itself, who decided it wasn't a big deal?  Shouldn't it be everything in the world just to brush your teeth and crawl into bed next to the person God pre-destined you to become one with, your soulmate?  Why is it ok to just share that sort of thing with anyone? 

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be insignificant.  I want to be a big deal. I want everything about me to be a big deal; mind, body, heart and soul.  I want the warmth in bed next to me to be a sacred thing, because that's how God intended it to be.  That's what I'm worth.

That's what you are worth.

Who told you that you weren't a big deal? The topography of your skin is hallowed ground.  I don't care who has trespassed on it before even if you let them; it doesn't change anything; your body is sacred. To quote Mumford and Sons, my body is the only thing that "keeps my heart and soul in its place". It is our entire presence in this physical world. Your body is sacred, regardless of its physical characteristics.  You are precious and priceless. Your body is of infinite value. If you separate your soul from your body what happens?  You die. It kills you.  Don't let anyone do that to you. Where you lay your body down, where you engage in the most intimate act two people can possibly share, that piece of furniture, it is sacred. So, if you haven't been united in holy matrimony with God as your witness, stay off the bed. Simply because, 

you are worth more. 

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Hebrews 13:4

In the words of Christ:

'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.

Mark 10:7-9 and Matthew 19:5-6

Thank you, Brandon Flowers of The Killers, for this most perfect song:

Video link for mobile users here.

There's a still in the street outside your window
You're keeping secrets on your pillow
Let me inside, no cause for alarm
I promise tonight not to do no harm
I promise you babe, I will do you no harm

And we're caught up in the crossfire of Heaven and Hell
And we're searchin' for shelter

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Watching your dress as you turn down the lights
I forget all about the storm outside
Dark clouds roll their way over town
Heartache and pain came a-pouring down like hail, sleet and rain, yeah
They're handing it out

And we're caught up in the crossfire of Heaven and Hell
And we're searching for shelter

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

And tell the Devil that he can go back from where he came
His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain
And when when the hardest part is over, we'll be here
And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear
The boundaries of our fear

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down... next to mine

-"Crossfire" by Brandon Flowers

Picture source here.